Cuaresma

Today is Ash Wednesday and therefore the first day of Lent (Cuaresma). We have 40 days and 40 nights ahead of us for prayer, repentance, and penance. I have fasting to do today plus no meat and then no meat on Fridays until Easter. C.J. and I attended the 12:10 pm Liturgy at our church to receive the ashes. Now, most people usually give up a certain luxury for Lent - sweets, alcohol, cursing, bread, sex, even social media - whatever most can think of that will be somewhat difficult to endure. Although I am going to watch what I say as far as cursing goes, (I know I can have a "sailor's mouth" on me when I get going), I've decided to go a little different this year.

I am going to change a few things about myself, what I do for C.J. and our daily routine. Things have really changed for us since moving back to Texas and with Erick being gone and with us not being in a place we call "home." I've noticed a change in me, it is not necessarily bad, but I know I can do better. I just want to be a better Mother to C.J.

I actually started a few weeks ago:
C.J. now has a bedtime of 9pm. He is no longer napping during the day so this has been pretty simple to achieve. At 8:30pm he brushes his teeth, goes potty, and changes into his pj's. He is in bed by 9pm and usually out within 10 minutes.
We now wake up at least by 9am. Since Erick  had returned to Japan, we've been sleeping in 'til about 10:30 or 11:00am - this just seems too late for me. So from now we wake up at 9am, I have coffee and he has breakfast.
Our schedule continues as follows:

C.J. will watch his Leap Frog Numberland DVD, then he will watch his Your Baby Can Read DVD - he is not allowed to play with toys during this time so he can pay attention. We go over ABC's - I point to his refrigerator letters and we sing them aloud. We go over numbers (1 - 20) in English and Spanish, same as ABC's, I point and we recite them.


We also go over ABC's in Sign Language and a few words everyday. Lastly, we practice writing his name on a sheet of paper. I have started with just "C.J." for now but once he shows more improvement we will move on to his full name - Cristián. I am actually really proud that he has picked up his initials quite rapidly. He is doing very well.

All the things we do are not new to him, he's known all this for a while now, I just don't want him to forget these things. I know that this knowledge and education can only benefit him later.
Since his grandparents' Christmas gift of a Nintendo DS, all he wants to do is play it. I am no longer allowing this. He is limited to 2 hours per day of play on the Nintendo DS.
All this is done throughout the day. I do not do everything back-to-back, I don't want to overwhelm him. This helps the day go by a little faster and we enjoy ourselves too. He still watches his favorite shows on Disney and Nick Jr. and he plays with his toys throughout the day. We still play Candy Land, the Memory Game, Play-Doh, we do puzzles, color and paint. He also has some very fun and educational toys that I prefer he play with also so we practice reading, writing, and spelling.

I have also limited the use of my laptop, Twitter, and Facebook accounts. I get emails and alerts to my Blackberry so there really is no reason for me to constantly be in front of the computer. I keep myself busy with C.J. and with daily household duties and at 5pm I have my workout time - everyday. I am now playing softball on Sundays so that is another form of "me" time and exercise I get.
And C.J. loves it because he gets to play in the park. (My friend Maria watches him as I play so she is a big help.)

I don't want to think that I am being strict, because that is not the case, but I also don't want to be labeled as a lazy Mother either. I didn't grow up with the attention from my parents that I would have liked and I don't want to smother him either, but I want him to know and trust that I will always support him and help him in any and every way possible.
I just want to do better for him....

Is it just me...?

Why do I feel with certain family members or friends that I am always going out of my way to be considerate to them and they always let me down when I need them.
With certain friends, I feel like I am the better friend to them than they are to me. I always find myself having to send the first text or make the first phone call. Even send a card...Friendship is about sharing;  Sharing opinions, dreams, fears, hopes... It is meant to engage conversations. We are supposed to cherish our memories but of course make new ones along the way. We should have a mutual understanding of how much love we have for one another and how much we care.
"Friendships don't magically last 40 years...you have to invest in them."  (S&TC, S5E3)
Then when it comes to some family members, I literally have no words at times. It's like, do they not hear the words that come out of their mouths?? We should respect each other and share joys. We shouldn't hope for love and support, it should already be there. Above anyone else, family should be number one. Actions do speak louder than words, yet when we do not think about what we are saying, those words can cut deeper than a global chef knife. That's how it's been with me, my family always comes first. I have some friends I consider family so they follow a super-close second.
"Family means putting your arms around each other and being there." (Barbara Bush)
I am trying to live my life well. I am trying to teach my child to be a good, caring person. But then there's instances that occur where sometimes I just think, "Why bother?"

Anything Like Me...

I could listen to this song over and over. :) This is definitely our song to C.J. <3

¶ I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"♫


♪ I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me ♪

♪ He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street ♪

♫ He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me ♫

♪ I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt a Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along ♪

♪ He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me ♪

♪ He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class
And be grounded for a week ♪

♫ He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me ♫

♪ He's gonna love me
And hate me along the way
The years are gonna fly by
And I already dread the day ♪

♪ He's gonna hug his mama, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave ♪

♪  But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me
There's worst folks to be like, oh, he'll be alright
If he's anything like me ¶

Tía to the 10th Power

Baby Mendoza

My new nephew, Yandel Pedro Mendoza made his much anticipated appearance on February 2, 2012 at 6:22 am. He weighed 8lbs. 5oz. and was 21 inches in length. We are all so excited for the new family! This little bundle is another wonderful addition to the Mendoza family. Our new little prince, (3rd officially) 4th unofficially. He is absolutely gorgeous and I cannot wait to hold him! I am so happy for my brother-in-law, Pete and my sister-in-law, Holly. Truly another wonderful blessing!

Here we go again...

So I just got back from dropping Erick off at the airport...he is on his way to Japan for 91 days. He asked me to be strong - right now I'm a total mess. C.J. has already asked for him three times since we've been home.
I hate these days...I was hoping for a change this year but yet here we go again, starting off this year exactly like last.
I understand this is his job and he loves it and I am super supportive of that. I want him to be doing something he truly loves and enjoys. I am just tired of this. I am tired of all this back-and-forth crap, I am tired of having to try and keep it together for C.J. who asks for him everyday and wants to know, "Where's Daddy?"
I am sure it is just as difficult for Erick to be away - it's just an adjustment for us constantly. We have to deal with him being gone and he has to deal with being away from us. Difficult times right now.
91 days...Seems like a life time.
I know we will get through this as we have every other time, still doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't be bummed about our circumstances.
You would think it would get easier each time he has to be gone, but it's not. Seems just as trying as the very first time I saw him off to Italy.
All I can really say is thank God for Skype! If it wasn't for this wonderful little contraption, we would not get to speak or "see" eachother face-to-face on a daily basis. C.J. knows he can use this now and even tells me, "I'll get the microphone Mommy." :) Sweet boy.  And of course he will ask when he can talk to his Daddy too.
Be strong...we'll get through this

I AM that person!

I realized something about myself a couple of days ago... I AM that person!
I will get upset and cut people out when they are cruel to people I know and love. Very cliché, I know... But I am going to pick a side, especially if you are someone I have met through a friend or family member.
When instances like these occur you can truly find who your true friends are and who are the most important people in your life.
It made me think of a Will & Grace episode where Jack McFarland says, "I know you're new here, and, um, we don't want you to think we're really cliquey and don't let anyone in our little group, but, um, well, we're really cliquey and we don't want anyone in our little group."
This by far is not true of me. I've learned to be accepting of new people over the years. I want to meet new people and share in their lives and experiences. In fact, I welcome it.
What I do not appreciate is when they display petti- / spiteful- ness to those dear to me.
I AM that person - in when you are mean to them, I will not be mean to you but I no longer have the need or the desire to speak or communicate with said person.
I made my decision years ago to cut all filth and negativity from my life. And if this includes certain people as well - so be it.
It actually makes me laugh to think about this.
I do not hate nor do I hold grudges. I just know when it is time to let people go. You wish them well, hope they find what they are looking for, and know that they are no longer your concern. The End.

Scary Times

What is wrong with the world and the people in it???
It is scary to read the paper or Internet and watching the news channels are just depressing to have to listen to all the immoral acts that are done. I am awed by the crimes that people commit. It's a wonder that we don't just lock ourselves up in our homes and never come out.

I currently live in Houston and to me this is one of the scariest places to be. I am astounded by the crime rate here! Everyday I hear of so many awful things that I am persuaded more and more each day to move. There are many other cities worse than it; Houston didn't even make Forbes' Top 10 of America's Most Dangerous Cities in October. But I don’t live anywhere else, I live here. Unfortunately, I already had a little scare not too long ago:

I headed home, with my son mind you, at around 11 pm at night after being at a friends house celebrating our early Christmas. As I came around the parking lot into my condo, I saw a guy in a gray hoodie crossing the parking lot. I watched as he stopped on the sidewalk next to one of the buildings and then just stared at my car as I passed by. I could see him the entire time as I turned the corner towards my place. When I got to my parking spot, I turned off my car but I felt uneasy so I waited in the car. Then I see the guy come around the corner and just stand there. I don't know if he was waiting for me to get out or what. Then a couple minutes pass and he starts walking toward me, so I turned on my car and drove off.
I called the cops and told them what happened. I told them I didn't want to get out of my car because I had a toddler with me. I waited up front by our office and a cop arrived like 5 minutes later. He drove around and then I drove back to my building and waited for him to come around again before I got down. It was a very freaky situation for me! I ended up calling up my friends to let them know and they came back for me and my son to take us back to their home.

Going through this type of situation, made me go out and buy a can of mace to carry with me at all times. I'm also thinking about a tazer or something. Because you just never know…

One city I am surprised to hear about when crime is announced is my hometown of Brownsville, TX. And yet lately it seems to be in world news more than we would like. This year has already started off really crappy for them.

Just a couple of days ago a 15 year old boy showed up to his middle school with what turned out to be a pellet gun. Only thing was it looked very much like a semi-automatic and after many requests by the police officers to, “drop his weapon,” the teenager was shot and killed.
Cummings Middle School Shooting

Now, I am reading some news and there was a shooting at the local mall after a fender-bender.
Sunrise Mall Shooting

I just don’t get it!!

I’m not sure what the child was thinking or why he didn't drop the gun when he was asked but with the men in the accident, if you call yourself a “man” then fight like one. Why must everyone resort to gun slinging?? When did we draw back to the Wild West???

It is insane already with the events that are going on in Mexican border towns with daily shootings, massacres, robberies all having to do with the Cartel but what makes it even worse is that these things are moving into the states as well…And I am sorry to say that, but that is honestly how I think of it.

These are not the only two incidents that have occurred in my hometown, there have been many others in the years past. I actually witnessed a crime when I was very young which is the reason behind my hating guns. It is just surprising that as years progress, it becomes more and more dangerous.

All I think about now is my son and the kind of world he is growing up in. It is amazing how your train of thought and way of living can change tremendously after you've had a child. All I can think about is his well-being.
I know I cannot live my life in worry so even through all the sadness and madness, I move forward - otherwise what is the point of living.