30 Years In The Making

I'm 30!!! I...cannot...believe...I'm 30!!

It is hard to fathom that I have lived on this Earth for 30 years already. To me, it doesn't even feel like it. I feel lucky and blessed to be where I am today. A college graduate, married, with a child - I have so much, but I continue to pursue more. I know I have God to thank for guiding me and allowing me to get where I am. As I look back on my life, my story today could have definitely gone very differently. My life has definitely had its' series of unfortunate events...

1 day old -1981

I was born in Brownsville, Texas to Alicia Ramirez and Jesus Picazo. But from birth up until just before my 18th birthday, I would live and spend most of my time with my maternal grandparents - Jose and Andrea Ramirez. My life was not an easy upbringing as I'm sure no one else's really is but because I do not remember a lot of "happy" moments as a child or growing up, I've also managed to block a lot of  the bad out. To this day, a relative can bring up a story and majority of the time I have no clue as to what they are talking about..or my brain does not permit me to. My parents' fought a lot and their marriage ended somewhere between when I was 12 through 14, I am not really sure. I was a pretty depressed and angry teenager even up to my early 20's, with considering the type of family I had, no one really spoke about their feelings. It took me going away to college to actually have a relationship with my sisters and unfortunately, my moving away for good to break the decent relationship I had with my older brother. My little brother, though I have always loved him and looked out for him, was for lack of better words, caught in the crossfire. My brother and I used to joke that our family put the "fun" in "dysfunctional."

Senior Photo - 2000

Most of my elementary days are a blur really. Junior high (I attended 3 different ones) was spent basically not fitting in and fighting - a lot. Everywhere I went, I felt like a social outcast. I always felt less than everyone. I never had nice, cute, or cool clothes. I had a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousins or stuff found through yard sales. I always knew I was the poor kid in my class and I was always getting into trouble. I did things without thinking of the consequences but didn't know how to stop myself. It was almost as if my mind said one thing but my arms were reaching out for something else. My high school years were also times I can say I am not completely proud of. I was lost, confused, lonely, and mostly sad. I had 2 boyfriends, in my 4 years there and neither of which was a healthy relationship. My grandmother died at the very beginning of my senior year of high school which led to an even further downward spiral. I did drugs, I drank, and spent way too much time with some people I probably shouldn't have been with. I met a lot of good people in high school, people today I still call my friends, but no one ever really knew what was going on in my head. I did hurt a lot of people along the way though...

Being with my husband is what really started to turn my life around. I've learned a lot from him and his family and have grown up so much because of them. I found God again and had my faith rejuvenated. Of course this took years but that is why I say that my attitude really changed for the better in 2006. (My husband and I started dating in 2001.) Over the years I learned to forgive, forget, and just move forward with my life. I learned to let go of the hurt and just look at the good things. I am so thankful for my husband. It hasn't always been easy but we've stuck by each other through it all and that is what counts.

October 2011

This is me today and I couldn't be happier or more fulfilled. God has granted me everything I had always hoped for. The life, the family, the love I had always dreamed of. And it may not be perfect but it is my life and it is beautiful!
And because of Him I have been able to celebrate 30 years of life.
I made a lot of mistakes but somehow they molded me to the person I am now.
So here's to 30 years of struggling, succeeding, sadness, and happiness! And here's hoping for 30 more - AT LEAST!

An Ode to Friends

I have some really amazing people in my life. I am so blessed to have not just one but five people I have truly connected with and have been able to hold such meaningful relationships with. My best friends are scattered all over the country but never too far from when I need them. I hope with some true investment, these friendships will last at least 40 years, if not more.

Daniela at SMU

Jeanette in Italy

My two oldest friends are Daniela and Jeanette. I met Jeanette at Los Fresnos Junior High - we were 12 and as scrawny as could possibly be. I met Daniela at Besteiro Middle School in Brownsville, TX. We met in band. (Makes me laugh to think so.)
I am so happy to say that even through all these years and as many times as we have moved, we never lost touch with each other. There is lots of BBMing, constant emailing, and of course our dear Facebook. I am so proud of both of these beautiful ladies as they are extremely accomplished business-woman. Chatch, (a childhood nickname that to this day I am not quite sure how it originated) currently lives in Dallas, TX. And Nettie (who is currently working on a record, keeping my fingers crossed for her) resides in Miami, FL. They both have very promising futures. But they are also both so busy that we can never end up in Brownsville at the same time to visit with each other. It has been many years since I have seen either of them. I am trying to plan trips to see them both and so they can finally meet C.J.  But God-willing a visit will not be too far in the future.

Matt & Me - 2005

My dear Matty. I met Matt in 2003 after I moved to Greenville, SC. We have a funny relationship in which it is just our way to insult each other at every meet and greet. Yet we both know it is out of love. Here is a guy that always keeps a smile on my face. Our friendship has always been one of being straight-forward with each other - I appreciate that a lot. I never had to "walk on eggshells" with Matt. If it bothered me, I let him know. And he of course, does not have a censor button, so it works out great. Matt has been and will always continue to be a big part of my life. He currently lives in Jacksonville, FL but we've managed to stay connected and visit many times during the years. We've had great Thanksgiving's spent with his entire family in Greenville and he visited with us while we lived in Charleston and we have also traveled to Jacksonville to see him. He made me so happy one year because he came up to Charleston from Jacksonville, basically just for a day, to attend my Baby Shower. It was a great surprise! He was my big helper. :) We haven't seen each other since 2009 but we are planning a get together for maybe next summer. Either way, we're never short of a text message.

Jessica and I in Georgia

Now here is a relationship that has definitely seen its ups and downs. But through it all, has only made it stronger. It doesn't matter what has happened between us, our bond could never truly be broken. We've both been through hell and back and have only come out wiser, more resilient, and most grateful. I met Jessica also in February of 2003 first as roommates - by chance, then became friends - by choice, and finally met the bonds of sisterhood. Our relationship did quickly see some turns for the worst but we are proof of what deceitful manipulation and hurtful rumors can do. We believe we've been able to bounce back from so many "break-ups" because we shared so many happy, wonderful memories as well. When we both look back into our early 20's, there isn't a happy memory that we don't have of each other. Even things today will make us think of one another and we have to let the other one know. As complicated as our friendship may seem to others, to us, it's not. We've managed to put all our past history behind us and that is what matters. We are both in such loving places in our lives right now. She is newly married with a beautiful baby girl, they currently live in Greenville, SC. It is nice to know that we can share these moments with each other. We check in with one another at least once every other day and allow our friendship to continue to grow. I am happy to still have her as my friend.

With Koren on my 25th Birthday

I met this lovely lady in 2006 while working at Wachovia in Greenville, SC. Something inside us just instantly clicked and we have been great friends ever since. In just 5 little years, our friendship has become one of the most important aspects of my life. We have seen each other grow as wives, then as mothers - I am so grateful to have been a part of so many of her important life moments and that she has been a part of mine. She is the first person I call at a moments' notice; day or night, we are there for one another. She currently lives in Jersey Shore, PA and I have been lucky enough to visit the last 2 years. I pray that our families will continue to grow up together as they have. Aside from our connection, our husbands have also managed to form a good friendship as well. Erick and Brad got along so well from the beginning simply by their palate for good beer and cigars. And our kids, Ellie and C.J. may have a current Love/Hate relationship, after all they are only children, we know that one day they will be great pals as well. I am excited to think of how we will all continue to grow, not just as friends anymore, but as family. I have been so blessed by her friendship.

Give...

Like many people, music really speaks to me. I have many instances where a song will play on the radio that really hits close to my heart and will help me deal with anything that is going on in my life in that very moment. I recently heard this song and I knew this was the anthem for my life, so-to-speak. I have actually tried to live my life by these words for years. My life, my feelings, my attitude really began to change - for the better - in 2006. 

¶ Everybody's reachin' for something
Every day pullin' and tugging
And always wantin' a little more
Holdin' on to hurt like an anchor
Treatin' those we love like strangers
Takin' names and keeping score
We all know, what we're really after
Somewhere along the road, we got it backwards ♫

♪ If you want to get love then give it
If you want to feel some forgiveness
Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own
If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness, show some
You'll be surprised at how much finds it's way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give. ♪

♫ I've been down right stubborn,
At one time or another,
And found it easier to bend.
I've had a shoulder to lean on
Been the one who got to be strong
And peace was waiting at both ends
I've felt the power, I've seen what it can do
It's seemed so simple, so simple but true ♫

♪ If you want to get love then give it
If you want to feel some forgiveness
Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own
If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness, show some
You'll be surprised at how much finds it's way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give. ♪

♪ If you want a friend then be one
A little bit of kindness show some
You'll be surprised of how much finds it's way back home
It don't matter what it is
If you want it, give. ¶

I am happy to be the person I am today. I want to bring up my son in a better world and I want him to know these feelings and know what it is like to live life without a heavy heart. I want him to know and understand what it means to not hold a grudge. And I want him to believe and trust in God and know what He will do for him. I know noone can live their lives perfectly, after all we are only human, but I know that teaching my son all these good values will be better for him and his life.

And then there were 3....

 - I wrote each of these posts a while back on a different site. Thought I would bring them over to Blogger and play catch-up and to add on as C.J. now turns 3 years old.-

My Lil Man!

"Cristián Joaquin Mendoza was born on Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 5:30AM at East Cooper Regional Medical Center in Mt. Pleasant, SC. His birth weight was 7 Pounds, 7 Ounces and was 20 Inches in length. He is the greatest gift we could have ever received! He is beautiful and absolutely perfect in every way. He truly is the biggest blessing in our lives and we couldn't be happier or ask for more! Becoming a Parent is the greatest feeling in the world and I am so thankful I finally know that feeling." - 10-08-08

Look who's 1!

"I am sitting in bed wide awake and thinking of what is coming. My LiL Man's FIRST Birthday will be official in 6 hours. Wow! Where did all the time go? This past year has brought on so many wonderful moments. Like everyone, we've had our ups and downs but I have to say that this has truly been the best year of my life. I owe it all to the two most important men in it, E and C.J. My world was complete the moment our Son was born. He has made me a better person and I never knew I could be this good a Mother. It just amazes me at how natural it all felt from the beginning. I view the world through different eyes now. I am not the same person I was 10, 5, even 2 years ago. I am absolutely happy. C.J. is becoming a great little person. He is walking all over the place now and it is getting harder to keep up with him. :-) He has a small vocabulary of words that include, “Dada, Mama, Agua, and Bye.” I have no uncertainty that more will be following right behind. He is such a bright child and has already begun word associations as well. I am so thankful that I am able to be a stay-at-home Mom and be here with him day-to-day. I wouldn’t see it any other way. I cherish the time we spend together." - 10-04-09

C.J. turns 2!

"So many changes in just 4 little months! SC to Texas and now Italy…God has plans.
Two Years Old!!!! That is what we have to look forward to in the next few days. It is absolutely amazing to know this little guy! It is a blessing to see each day with him. His vocabulary is expanding immensely. He can even count to 5 now! (Next are ABC's and then all over again in Spanish of course.) He is polite and charming and loving and silly all at the same time. :) We are working on potty-training at the moment so we will see how that goes." - 10-01-10


Three years ago, my life completely changed. My husband and I welcomed this beautiful bundle of squirminess into our lives! I was breathless as the nurse handed me my newborn son. The tears rolled instantly. I can still relive that moment in my mind as if it were yesterday.
It is hard to believe how fast my LiL Man is growing up. Time just keeps flying on by but at each turn there is something new and exciting.
C.J. is so smart - he still amazes me everyday. All the things he says, his character, his expressions, it is all so beautiful to take in. I'm excited to see the person he is and will become. I am so proud of him. OH! And he is officially potty-trained. (It took a total of 4 days.) He can also count to 20 in English, to 10 in Spanish, knows his ABC's -although not exactly in the right order ;) and of course has added many words to his vocabulary.
His favorite activities, thanks to my good friend - Koren, include painting, coloring, and Play-Doh. He loves his Hot Wheels and has over 20 of them! He recently added a race-track to his collection which he cannot get enough of.
We play the Memory Game and Candyland and still continue to collect Ugly Dolls. We love the diversity of it all.
It has been 3 wonderful years, we look forward to the many, many more.

I fall more in love with him as each day passes. He is my world and he owns my heart.

I love this kid.