30 Years In The Making

I'm 30!!! I...cannot...believe...I'm 30!!

It is hard to fathom that I have lived on this Earth for 30 years already. To me, it doesn't even feel like it. I feel lucky and blessed to be where I am today. A college graduate, married, with a child - I have so much, but I continue to pursue more. I know I have God to thank for guiding me and allowing me to get where I am. As I look back on my life, my story today could have definitely gone very differently. My life has definitely had its' series of unfortunate events...

1 day old -1981

I was born in Brownsville, Texas to Alicia Ramirez and Jesus Picazo. But from birth up until just before my 18th birthday, I would live and spend most of my time with my maternal grandparents - Jose and Andrea Ramirez. My life was not an easy upbringing as I'm sure no one else's really is but because I do not remember a lot of "happy" moments as a child or growing up, I've also managed to block a lot of  the bad out. To this day, a relative can bring up a story and majority of the time I have no clue as to what they are talking about..or my brain does not permit me to. My parents' fought a lot and their marriage ended somewhere between when I was 12 through 14, I am not really sure. I was a pretty depressed and angry teenager even up to my early 20's, with considering the type of family I had, no one really spoke about their feelings. It took me going away to college to actually have a relationship with my sisters and unfortunately, my moving away for good to break the decent relationship I had with my older brother. My little brother, though I have always loved him and looked out for him, was for lack of better words, caught in the crossfire. My brother and I used to joke that our family put the "fun" in "dysfunctional."

Senior Photo - 2000

Most of my elementary days are a blur really. Junior high (I attended 3 different ones) was spent basically not fitting in and fighting - a lot. Everywhere I went, I felt like a social outcast. I always felt less than everyone. I never had nice, cute, or cool clothes. I had a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousins or stuff found through yard sales. I always knew I was the poor kid in my class and I was always getting into trouble. I did things without thinking of the consequences but didn't know how to stop myself. It was almost as if my mind said one thing but my arms were reaching out for something else. My high school years were also times I can say I am not completely proud of. I was lost, confused, lonely, and mostly sad. I had 2 boyfriends, in my 4 years there and neither of which was a healthy relationship. My grandmother died at the very beginning of my senior year of high school which led to an even further downward spiral. I did drugs, I drank, and spent way too much time with some people I probably shouldn't have been with. I met a lot of good people in high school, people today I still call my friends, but no one ever really knew what was going on in my head. I did hurt a lot of people along the way though...

Being with my husband is what really started to turn my life around. I've learned a lot from him and his family and have grown up so much because of them. I found God again and had my faith rejuvenated. Of course this took years but that is why I say that my attitude really changed for the better in 2006. (My husband and I started dating in 2001.) Over the years I learned to forgive, forget, and just move forward with my life. I learned to let go of the hurt and just look at the good things. I am so thankful for my husband. It hasn't always been easy but we've stuck by each other through it all and that is what counts.

October 2011

This is me today and I couldn't be happier or more fulfilled. God has granted me everything I had always hoped for. The life, the family, the love I had always dreamed of. And it may not be perfect but it is my life and it is beautiful!
And because of Him I have been able to celebrate 30 years of life.
I made a lot of mistakes but somehow they molded me to the person I am now.
So here's to 30 years of struggling, succeeding, sadness, and happiness! And here's hoping for 30 more - AT LEAST!